The GCE A Levels is over, but let's just say that I've got too much time on my hands right now since the 2nd December.
Shortly after the prom night, a couple of outings and all that, I flew off to Mars via a vessel to the Bermuda Triangle.
...Alright, I'm bullshitting. Actually I just went with my family out on a cruise getting stuck in limbo out at sea while the cruise is sailing towards nowhere for two days before returning back to Singapore. Food was good, no doubt, and there was pretty good entertainment down there, from jugglers to riskful acrobat acts, and freezing swimming pool water to comfortably warm jacuzzi pools, and of course, the average Singaporean's favourite - the Mediterranean buffet. How could we miss such good stuff?
Uh. Maybe that one wasn't the best after all - there was supposedly better food out at the Chinese restaurant and the Bella Vista fine diners'. Anally strict rules on footwear at the diners' caught Uncles Steven and Kelvin and I off guard, and we ended up eating at Blue Lagoon, which served coffee-shop fare for extraorbitant prices for dinner on the second day. Tch.
Chocolate party sent us off on a chocolate wastage spree - I thought I was grabbing for the entire table of 9 when I came back to see another 3 plates filled with chocolate mudpies, cheese cakes and more chocolate stuff. It grew quite nauseating after we were downing about an entire plate of chocolate pastries and still having more where those came from. And finally, I'm hearing new upbeat music on this Christmas voyage party onboard the cruise. Nice!
After the trip, I thought I'd get myself a job, and a few days later I got what I wanted. Though it isn't much, and I'm doing shit work for shit pay, the people are quite nice - a good 3 of them were A Level students as well, waiting for results just like me, and the full-time workers weren't the barbarian cargo shifters we were led to believe from all the culture of academic excellence and being out there in a world of good mommy's pampered boy. Screw those - it's the real friggin' world out there, and I like what's going on out there. Finally, something to cut me loose from the chains of having to be obedient to the elders and all that bullshit and start exercising some good common sense - if I stayed in that state any longer I'd be rotting away sooner or later.
Work life is definitely better than that in the house, anyhow. Except for the fact that I am still doing shit work for shit pay when I could be getting better pay and more employee benefits at the current qualification I have right now. Ah well, at least I've got a place to start somewhere... Keeping positivity a priority for now, let's hope it stays that way for now.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This blog was dead, is alive, and will be more alive from now on.
God, it's been a helluva time since I've been back in this blog. And everything seems so... different. Things have been happening, got myself into some mess every now and then, and for some reason I just seem to crawl outta that heap of junk unscathed. Sometimes.
Well anyways, finally I'm outta the A Level monster that's biting everyone and giving them a big pain in the ass. A brand new lease of life awaits - no more disturbing college mumbo-jumbo, and no more examinations. How good is that? Priceless experience, really.
It's time to give this blog a revamp. It looks old and rusty, people'll think someone threw this blog out there in the rain for several years to rot. Until then, there's so much more things to do, yet just too much time to do them. Yeah, you heard me right. Too much damn time to do some useless but enjoyable stuff that I'd otherwise be unable to enjoy. Finally, I get a taste of true freedom.
Well anyways, finally I'm outta the A Level monster that's biting everyone and giving them a big pain in the ass. A brand new lease of life awaits - no more disturbing college mumbo-jumbo, and no more examinations. How good is that? Priceless experience, really.
It's time to give this blog a revamp. It looks old and rusty, people'll think someone threw this blog out there in the rain for several years to rot. Until then, there's so much more things to do, yet just too much time to do them. Yeah, you heard me right. Too much damn time to do some useless but enjoyable stuff that I'd otherwise be unable to enjoy. Finally, I get a taste of true freedom.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Road to A Levels Part IV: The Final Push
Just went to OCReMix website and downloaded the Humans + Gears: Xenogears album. And boy, is it orgasmic to the ears, man. I think that album really made my day - they really should come up with more of such quality music anytime.
Stuff is really hectic since the beginning of Term 4. The results were rather terrible, and it is just pure luck that I managed to scrape through with 71 points. Even then, that is after the heavy moderation that the school has done just to make our lousy grades look more presentable. My friends had worse fates though, most scored between 40 to 50 points after the moderation. A whopping mad massacre, I reckon.
School is gonna get so hectic, I doubt I'll escape the school system for the next 2 months, at least. Until then, it's going to be all that study-till-you-drop rat race. Oh, and help me change "drop" to "drop dead" - it would probably sound better, I guess. The amount of stress is strangling, if you could even call it stress in the first place. This is pure evil.
Stuff is really hectic since the beginning of Term 4. The results were rather terrible, and it is just pure luck that I managed to scrape through with 71 points. Even then, that is after the heavy moderation that the school has done just to make our lousy grades look more presentable. My friends had worse fates though, most scored between 40 to 50 points after the moderation. A whopping mad massacre, I reckon.
School is gonna get so hectic, I doubt I'll escape the school system for the next 2 months, at least. Until then, it's going to be all that study-till-you-drop rat race. Oh, and help me change "drop" to "drop dead" - it would probably sound better, I guess. The amount of stress is strangling, if you could even call it stress in the first place. This is pure evil.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Youth Olympics Really Made My Day
It's always nice to have a bit of hoo-hah in your town, especially when it's the Youth Olympic Games. It's over for quite some time, yet the craze is still out there. For one, I actually managed to get hold of one of them DBS Visa Prepaid Cards, which could potentially spell the doom of much of the not-enough-money woes whenever I could not produce that much cash on the spot to pay for a Pastamania or Pizza Hut meal. And wait, does RuneScape Membership count towards the potential use of such a card too?
And as I looked at the YOG website online store, almost everything was sold out, except the friggin' postage stamps. I guess email technology has rendered such stuff redundant altogether, huh?
And as I looked at the YOG website online store, almost everything was sold out, except the friggin' postage stamps. I guess email technology has rendered such stuff redundant altogether, huh?
Uhhh... Yeah, whatever. Thanks for the reminder to start hitting the books for the 17th time again, smartass. Cut me some slack, will'ya?
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Road to A Levels Part III: End of Prelims - 10 weeks to A Levels!
After the last paper tomorrow, it's the big mad rush all over again. I'm kinda sick of this running after grades, but I know I have to press on. It just doesn't make sense to study for so long and hard to achieve nothing in the end.
But this blog seems to be a little dead, so I thought I'd inject some life into it by creating another 2 pages above, so that anyone who bothers would have a clearer picture of what I say when I refer to certain events in my life. I mean, there's nothing shameful about what's inside, I've come to terms with them.
More new stuff will come soon, so stay tuned. But right now, I've got my Biology to study for.
But this blog seems to be a little dead, so I thought I'd inject some life into it by creating another 2 pages above, so that anyone who bothers would have a clearer picture of what I say when I refer to certain events in my life. I mean, there's nothing shameful about what's inside, I've come to terms with them.
More new stuff will come soon, so stay tuned. But right now, I've got my Biology to study for.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Of Life and Heroes
I'm disillusioned about the things going on in life today.
Just look at all the mess in today's world. Terrorism, war, nuclear bombs. Economic disparity between the developing countries and the developed ones. Marriages and divorces, all the vices you can name of - greed, jealousy, lust, pride, and all that. Violence in media and its effects are further exemplified by the James Bulger murder case that happened in the last decade. Chernobyl, 23 years ago.
I don't have to spell most of the things out - you can observe those for yourself if you really tried. Whatever happened to society that these stuff are happening in such unprecedented frequency? It's just crazy.
In the past, people would tell me not to be trusting of the people around you, for the very people whom you trust would betray you. In the past, people would tell me to rely on myself and not on others. People would tell me to do the good, help those in need, and not expect anything in return. But as I move on with life, all these values and the teachings taught by the elders and peers just seem to contradict whatever is going on around the world. Are what the values they have been teaching all for naught?
However, as I learned more, I began to realise how beautiful life can be.
Even within this hysterical pandemonia of morality and unconventional ethics problems faced by the 21st Century citizen today, there's still encouraging stories about how against all these odds of human error, there are numerous heroes who stand out against the norm. Heroes, because they do what most people are afraid or are unable to do. Take Bill Gates - he's a hero in his own right. Tell me, who in their right mind would be willing to donate more than a few billion dollars to the poor and needy? Yet what he does is right, crazy as it might sound.
Take the firefighters and liquidators who sacrificed their lives to stop the radiation leakage into the atmosphere in Chernobyl. They weren't heroes just for fighting a war as we know it - if they didn't do what they did we would have all been suffering worse than what we would have been today. Think of all these poor children afflicted with thyroid cancer, and other birth defects resulting from the radiation leakage of Chernobyl.
Take people who have committed heinous crimes and have turned themselves in voluntarily, without the police or other law-keeping organisations on their heels. They're also heroes in their own right. They had the courage to face their own wrongdoings and accept the punishment due to them, so that their conscience would no longer plague them for the rest of their lives.
It's ironic how in the midst of these human dilemmas there needs to be evil shown before the good side of human nature can surface. Yet even then, inspired by these people, I would choose to be a hero someday. Even with all this mess, I will live on. Life is worth living, even if it hurts you. However disillusioned I may get, I'm telling myself, as long as I see hope in people, I will press on. Even if it means giving your life to something of a good cause...
Just look at all the mess in today's world. Terrorism, war, nuclear bombs. Economic disparity between the developing countries and the developed ones. Marriages and divorces, all the vices you can name of - greed, jealousy, lust, pride, and all that. Violence in media and its effects are further exemplified by the James Bulger murder case that happened in the last decade. Chernobyl, 23 years ago.
I don't have to spell most of the things out - you can observe those for yourself if you really tried. Whatever happened to society that these stuff are happening in such unprecedented frequency? It's just crazy.
In the past, people would tell me not to be trusting of the people around you, for the very people whom you trust would betray you. In the past, people would tell me to rely on myself and not on others. People would tell me to do the good, help those in need, and not expect anything in return. But as I move on with life, all these values and the teachings taught by the elders and peers just seem to contradict whatever is going on around the world. Are what the values they have been teaching all for naught?
However, as I learned more, I began to realise how beautiful life can be.
Even within this hysterical pandemonia of morality and unconventional ethics problems faced by the 21st Century citizen today, there's still encouraging stories about how against all these odds of human error, there are numerous heroes who stand out against the norm. Heroes, because they do what most people are afraid or are unable to do. Take Bill Gates - he's a hero in his own right. Tell me, who in their right mind would be willing to donate more than a few billion dollars to the poor and needy? Yet what he does is right, crazy as it might sound.
Take the firefighters and liquidators who sacrificed their lives to stop the radiation leakage into the atmosphere in Chernobyl. They weren't heroes just for fighting a war as we know it - if they didn't do what they did we would have all been suffering worse than what we would have been today. Think of all these poor children afflicted with thyroid cancer, and other birth defects resulting from the radiation leakage of Chernobyl.
Take people who have committed heinous crimes and have turned themselves in voluntarily, without the police or other law-keeping organisations on their heels. They're also heroes in their own right. They had the courage to face their own wrongdoings and accept the punishment due to them, so that their conscience would no longer plague them for the rest of their lives.
It's ironic how in the midst of these human dilemmas there needs to be evil shown before the good side of human nature can surface. Yet even then, inspired by these people, I would choose to be a hero someday. Even with all this mess, I will live on. Life is worth living, even if it hurts you. However disillusioned I may get, I'm telling myself, as long as I see hope in people, I will press on. Even if it means giving your life to something of a good cause...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Road to A Levels Part II
It's 3 weeks left to the Prelims. Wow, I didn't even know that time went that fast.
The Mid Year Results weren't that good - and the constant pressure is getting into everyone in college. What happened to all the smiling faces? What happened to all the lame jokes? Gone to study.
Well, it's no wonder. 13 weeks to the A Levels. It just makes me shudder just thinking about it. Seriously. It's all or nothing. This morning's message from the school came in the form of a postcard: "Success demands singleness of purpose." And it's personalised - everyone has their own name and different quote for them in their own postcards given out in the morning.
I guess nothing comes free then - there needs to be sacrifice for success to come your way then...
The Mid Year Results weren't that good - and the constant pressure is getting into everyone in college. What happened to all the smiling faces? What happened to all the lame jokes? Gone to study.
Well, it's no wonder. 13 weeks to the A Levels. It just makes me shudder just thinking about it. Seriously. It's all or nothing. This morning's message from the school came in the form of a postcard: "Success demands singleness of purpose." And it's personalised - everyone has their own name and different quote for them in their own postcards given out in the morning.
I guess nothing comes free then - there needs to be sacrifice for success to come your way then...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Road to A Level - Part I
It just doesn't make sense at all. It's been quite a lot of hard work, yet it is still not paying off. And I'm fast losing sleep and confidence that I'll ever hit 90 points at all. Everyday, there's just so much stuff to do, my time is no longer my own. Neither is my own body either.
These days, we keep getting hammered by so much motivational talk from teachers, from the Principal, from even outside speakers that the college has invited to speak with us during CT period. It's starting to make me feel much worse than the message that they're trying to across to us.
Do well in your A Levels! Don't give up! Don't stop! Don't slack! Don't waste anymore time! As if we didn't know this by this time already... The others can waste their time away by making noise during lectures, but the noise certainly didn't come from my class - everyone is so damn uptight about the exams that would ultimately determine which career path we go. Well, that's good news, for one, I guess.
Apparently, some, like me, have started to wake up and start the ball rolling to catch up on what we missed during the past semester, as well as JC1 work. It's tough, it's gruelling, and it certainly is emotionally draining. No more complaining - only frowning faces along the corridor, short tempers and sometimes even silence. Moreover, PE is physically draining - just yesterday we got sent into the gym, and having weak hands, I'm suffering from tricep aches every now and then. So much for all these people cheering when the lightning alarm sounded just before our timed 5km run.
As for all these motivational talk, frankly, I think it's starting to get counterproductive. Imagine the pressure to do well with more than 300 eyes(or pairs of eyes, go figure. It doesn't make a difference anyway.) fixed on your Mid Year, and later, the Prelims, result slip. Too much such motivation probably would get us somewhere, but it's certainly not right now. About high time they used reverse psychology, eh?
I think Mr Anuar's right. We're too pampered by the system.
It's draining on all levels however you look at it. Even with these, I've gotta stay strong for her sake...
These days, we keep getting hammered by so much motivational talk from teachers, from the Principal, from even outside speakers that the college has invited to speak with us during CT period. It's starting to make me feel much worse than the message that they're trying to across to us.
Do well in your A Levels! Don't give up! Don't stop! Don't slack! Don't waste anymore time! As if we didn't know this by this time already... The others can waste their time away by making noise during lectures, but the noise certainly didn't come from my class - everyone is so damn uptight about the exams that would ultimately determine which career path we go. Well, that's good news, for one, I guess.
Apparently, some, like me, have started to wake up and start the ball rolling to catch up on what we missed during the past semester, as well as JC1 work. It's tough, it's gruelling, and it certainly is emotionally draining. No more complaining - only frowning faces along the corridor, short tempers and sometimes even silence. Moreover, PE is physically draining - just yesterday we got sent into the gym, and having weak hands, I'm suffering from tricep aches every now and then. So much for all these people cheering when the lightning alarm sounded just before our timed 5km run.
As for all these motivational talk, frankly, I think it's starting to get counterproductive. Imagine the pressure to do well with more than 300 eyes(or pairs of eyes, go figure. It doesn't make a difference anyway.) fixed on your Mid Year, and later, the Prelims, result slip. Too much such motivation probably would get us somewhere, but it's certainly not right now. About high time they used reverse psychology, eh?
I think Mr Anuar's right. We're too pampered by the system.
It's draining on all levels however you look at it. Even with these, I've gotta stay strong for her sake...
Friday, July 2, 2010
I don't want to go 6 feet under. Help!
Okay, so the results have shown some statistics - we certainly aren't doing as well as expected, and it's worrying the teachers. C'mon let's face it - how good would the Mid-Year results get with that little time? And there's even less of it now...
It's hard to maintain concentration in class, especially since the school mood is getting more and more hostile as the A levels start to get nearer and nearer. First, Prelims, and the verdict that if we continue at the current pace, about only 30% would make it to the local universities. It used to be suffocating, now it's grabbing us in the neck.
Quite honestly, I don't quite seem to get any more motivation outta what I'm doing anymore. And there's no time to seek it at all, so to put it simply, I could very well fail the A levels. Unless there's something that can spur me on... Usually I'd be the one that's encouraging people around me, but let's bite the bullet of reality - who actually gives a shit about you when you yourself are down and out?
However, deep down inside, I know I can't get myself to fail myself during this time. But how do I pick myself up psychologically, apart from just working harder like a robot without finding any meaning in what I'm doing?
It's hard to maintain concentration in class, especially since the school mood is getting more and more hostile as the A levels start to get nearer and nearer. First, Prelims, and the verdict that if we continue at the current pace, about only 30% would make it to the local universities. It used to be suffocating, now it's grabbing us in the neck.
Quite honestly, I don't quite seem to get any more motivation outta what I'm doing anymore. And there's no time to seek it at all, so to put it simply, I could very well fail the A levels. Unless there's something that can spur me on... Usually I'd be the one that's encouraging people around me, but let's bite the bullet of reality - who actually gives a shit about you when you yourself are down and out?
However, deep down inside, I know I can't get myself to fail myself during this time. But how do I pick myself up psychologically, apart from just working harder like a robot without finding any meaning in what I'm doing?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Yearnings for the Wind, Waves and the Sea
Yeah, that's about the closest thing that's hanging in my mind right now. Friggin' weather.
I really need a break off all these studying - and the pressure just won't let go! If I study anymore after the Mid Year exams without at least a week of break, I'm gonna crumble anytime soon. Been facing the books for the past few months non-stop - and missing quite a few of the nicest episodes on TV. At least Friday was good for the beginning of as exam weekend - if you could even call it a weekend in the first place.
Looks like it's high time I dragged this sorry ass of mine into Bukit Timah or just lie down at the beach doing nothing and just enjoying the weather... Oh wait, did I just mention the weather? It's bloody hot down here, even the fan's just blowing hot air into my hot insides already. Hmm, how about hot dogs for breakfast then? With this kind of weather you don't even need an oven to bake marshmallows - just throw it on top of the nearest piece of metal and you get black ones.
Maybe I'm just exaggerating, but yeah, that's the heat of the exams and global warming.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Mid Year Exam Fever - chew on nuts!
Okay... so it's the Mid Year Examinations now. Everyone's slogged their guts out, and that includes the studying that everyone's doing in college everyday. Hmm, it's like a literal slave labour camp - everyone slogs it out down here in college. Sometimes I need that little nudge to get myself going.
And I'm starting to question whether actually studying in school is more conducive. Oh well, let the results prove it. If it works, I'm gonna continue my study in school. Heck, I'll might as well just do most of my studying in school instead - been studying at home during the O levels and look at the sheer disparity between those that study at Starbucks or other places and those who study at home. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again.
And Chemistry is so mind-boggling. It's like, the deeper you dwell into it, the worse it gets. In fact, I've just snored my way through earlier today from 3pm to 8pm - a whopping 5 hours of sleep time. I guess you could call it self-indulgence, but these days I haven't been able to sleep well - what's with the stupid goat that appears next to my bedside during these few nights of dreams? Been having this dream occasionally - the first 2 times being close to the previous Common Tests, and another 3 times during this Mid Years. Seriously, I think I'm going bonkers anytime soon from all this studying...
Especially since it's so friggin' critical to what would decide my future career path. Madness. And I keep getting this feeling that I never study enough of my chapters, even though I spend like, hours and days and weeks on the same topic that just never gets into my head. Aaahh. If only the A level questions aren't so unpredictable...
And I'm starting to question whether actually studying in school is more conducive. Oh well, let the results prove it. If it works, I'm gonna continue my study in school. Heck, I'll might as well just do most of my studying in school instead - been studying at home during the O levels and look at the sheer disparity between those that study at Starbucks or other places and those who study at home. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again.
And Chemistry is so mind-boggling. It's like, the deeper you dwell into it, the worse it gets. In fact, I've just snored my way through earlier today from 3pm to 8pm - a whopping 5 hours of sleep time. I guess you could call it self-indulgence, but these days I haven't been able to sleep well - what's with the stupid goat that appears next to my bedside during these few nights of dreams? Been having this dream occasionally - the first 2 times being close to the previous Common Tests, and another 3 times during this Mid Years. Seriously, I think I'm going bonkers anytime soon from all this studying...
Especially since it's so friggin' critical to what would decide my future career path. Madness. And I keep getting this feeling that I never study enough of my chapters, even though I spend like, hours and days and weeks on the same topic that just never gets into my head. Aaahh. If only the A level questions aren't so unpredictable...
Friday, April 30, 2010
A passion withheld
It's been a long time since my last post. And it's tough, no doubt. I can't even begin to describe how tough things are going.
For one, studying has taken quite a toll on my body - I had to take a MC today to get away from that stress in school. And it's a bad and undesirable way - it accompanies flu-like symptoms, incessant sneezing and many other things that impede you from concentrating on what you're supposed to study. It sucks.
That being said, it's CIP tomorrow, and it's Labour Day. Yeah, literally labour day, and I can't afford to stay sick until tomorrow - there's the entire ensemble there, and probably the last time we get to do things together as an ensemble anymore. Really looking forward to watching Iron Man 2 with those folks, and hopefully I can get away with chewing popcorn without falling even more sick than what I am right now.
Maybe I should focus more on the positive side of things - I've been finding myself grumbling over the little negativities of school life so often, it's starting to becone jarring inside my head. ARGH, and there's where probably that nasty unwarranted flu bug came from.
And I can't keep up with Ionic Equilibria. Nuts - if only we were paid $10 an hour to subject our brain to pKa calculation abuse - it's driving me nuts.
Work aside, it's the fact that we're mostly scoring As for PW. Great - that effort finally paid off. No more burning midnight oil for so long anymore - w00tz! Alright, time to study for Econs...
For one, studying has taken quite a toll on my body - I had to take a MC today to get away from that stress in school. And it's a bad and undesirable way - it accompanies flu-like symptoms, incessant sneezing and many other things that impede you from concentrating on what you're supposed to study. It sucks.
That being said, it's CIP tomorrow, and it's Labour Day. Yeah, literally labour day, and I can't afford to stay sick until tomorrow - there's the entire ensemble there, and probably the last time we get to do things together as an ensemble anymore. Really looking forward to watching Iron Man 2 with those folks, and hopefully I can get away with chewing popcorn without falling even more sick than what I am right now.
Maybe I should focus more on the positive side of things - I've been finding myself grumbling over the little negativities of school life so often, it's starting to becone jarring inside my head. ARGH, and there's where probably that nasty unwarranted flu bug came from.
And I can't keep up with Ionic Equilibria. Nuts - if only we were paid $10 an hour to subject our brain to pKa calculation abuse - it's driving me nuts.
Work aside, it's the fact that we're mostly scoring As for PW. Great - that effort finally paid off. No more burning midnight oil for so long anymore - w00tz! Alright, time to study for Econs...
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Upward Pressure in a Steam Cooker
If you're talking about guitar playing, yeah I'll agree. But clearing homework clearly isn't.
The Guitar Ensemble competition is round the corner, and it's really tough grit this time round.
I mean, there's just so much to do - catching up on JC1 work and trying to catch what the lectures on the new topics are about. And missing lectures is not a good thing at all, to say the least. Especially for Maths, which falls on the same day as our competition - good April 17th. I really hope that all these effort does get us somewhere on par with some of the better JC Guitar Ensembles. After all, we sacrificed our own study and leisure time to perfect on the three pieces we're gonna play during the competition.
Moreover, with that big a Guitar Ensemble now (it is currently the biggest CCA group in SRJC), it gets all the more tougher to choose the next batch of Executive Committee (Exco) members. Sigh, shouldn't have been so happy about having a big group after all - there comes the usual bureaucratic standard operating procedures (SOP) and many complaints. It sure isn't easy running a organisation of such magnitude.
And my school work is getting a bit out of hand - I do a lot on one, and miss out a lot on the other. And for this week, I've been sleeping at nuts-timing - 2-3am sleeptimes aren't that uncommon anymore, and heavy eyelids are the norm. No wonder people can't really think that well in JC, with all that sleep deprivation!
Just the other day, the vice principal's address was pretty uncomfortable just hearing of it. I mean, yeah, who in the world doesn't know that keeping life in school simple is key to doing well in the A level Exams? Yet there's still so much mumbo-jumbo which we can't just simply throw out of the window. Take this coming competition, for instance. It's the critical period of our JC2 lectures, and here we are, being plucked outta our study schedules to feed some competitive energy drain.
Well, I can't really say anything bad about this competition we're gonna participate in. I mean, we've got all that nice looking ties, entirely cool black apparel, even guitar playing and team bonding. It gives us pressure to catch up with school work as well to keep up with some of the best scorers in our classes, and sometimes other classes. And what about that nice SGC that's gonna pop up after the competition?
All I can hope for right now, is for this tough period to be over soon - and surviving it through - so that all of us can focus entirely on our books in time to score those As.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
No pain, no gain. Pure grit.
So, it seems that I've scored rather badly for my Common Tests... That simply means one thing - much less time left to do blogging and keeping you guys entertained from this nice ol' fool's writing. So here's pretty much a summary of my bad report card when it comes back:
General Paper: C
H2 Mathematics: U
H2 Economics: S
H2 Biology: C
H2 Chemistry: C
H1 Chinese(from A level results): A
Project Work: ???
Which reminds me of the common anxiety shared by everyone - when the hell would they release the PW results?
Anyways, we've been told we've only got 7 weeks left to work for the Mid Year Examinations, which can either make or break us. I just hope that I'm physically fit enough to take abuse from midnight study, and not get myself sick or into the Early Bird Programme... I was late for school today, and it was only then that I was told that it was no longer counted by the term, but by the semester. Late for the 4th time this semester, and there'd be great trouble to my study career in college, if you could even call it a "full-time career" in the first place.
Nasty shock this morning. And it REALLY is high time to start on the A level revision on the Year 1 topics. Never seen me bite grit before? This is it. I hope.
General Paper: C
H2 Mathematics: U
H2 Economics: S
H2 Biology: C
H2 Chemistry: C
H1 Chinese(from A level results): A
Project Work: ???
Which reminds me of the common anxiety shared by everyone - when the hell would they release the PW results?
Anyways, we've been told we've only got 7 weeks left to work for the Mid Year Examinations, which can either make or break us. I just hope that I'm physically fit enough to take abuse from midnight study, and not get myself sick or into the Early Bird Programme... I was late for school today, and it was only then that I was told that it was no longer counted by the term, but by the semester. Late for the 4th time this semester, and there'd be great trouble to my study career in college, if you could even call it a "full-time career" in the first place.
Nasty shock this morning. And it REALLY is high time to start on the A level revision on the Year 1 topics. Never seen me bite grit before? This is it. I hope.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Studying or working?
Just a little while ago, we were done with all the Common Test mumbo-jumbo, and then came the Guitar Camp 2010 proposal as well as the competition uniform problems... A lot of stuff was going on, it almost knocked me senseless.
For one, we were told that we were going to share our barbecue pits with the Shooting club. As is always with such stuff, the fight is still going on over who should get both barbecue pits, since a barbecue to feed more than 80 people would definitely call for a minimum of 2 barbecue pits...
For one, we were told that we were going to share our barbecue pits with the Shooting club. As is always with such stuff, the fight is still going on over who should get both barbecue pits, since a barbecue to feed more than 80 people would definitely call for a minimum of 2 barbecue pits...
Yeah, at least the chef here agrees with me - good food should come with good music, and good musicians need good food.
That aside, after Saturday's trip to VivoCity to settle the uniform problems, I was thinking to myself about the reason why men don't go shopping with women. Probably now, I could better understand why men groan at every single chance of getting home early being eaten into by the prying open every single flaw of the clothing details... Not being sexist, by the way, don't get me wrong - it's just pretty annoying for such situations to occur, that's all.
And again, the work demon within me was roaring out loud since 2 nights before, and we quickly produced the proposal. Hopefully that'll stuff their mouths shut about all the paperwork nonsense, haha!
Work aside, there has to be some time set aside for family time, eh? So we went to Tampines Mall for a random window shopping session. And it was there and then that I took notice of my mom's spending habits.
What surprised me was that she wasn't spending money on clothes and other stuff that's typical of women, but rather, what she was splurging on was all those foodstuffs like Famous Amos biscuits, Japanese rice takeaways and other food.
"Ah-aah, Ma, don't buy that," I shook my head and pressured her. "That ja-jang myeon I had earlier needs time to digest leh!" It was only just 5 minutes ago that I had that shoved into that deep pit of mine...
She bought that box of Japanese rice takeaway anyway. She smiled, "Aiyah nevermind one lah, like I ever get to go out and spend like this everyday."
"But look at how much you're spending on these stuff leh," I jabbed my finger gingerly at the plastic bags she's carrying. "Your son's gonna go into the army soon leh, you wouldn't want him to get enlisted 2 months earlier, would you?"
"Aiyah, this kind of thing nevermind one lah, must spend money on the right things, mah! Like these!" Raising those plastic bags like trophies in triumph, we moved on home after that. So along the way, we were talking about how the furniture shop was, as is the norm to ask her about work and stuff. I haven't been spending much time with her since two weeks before the common tests, so it was high time for mother and son to reconnect, I reckon.
By some random switch of topic or some other thing that led to it, we were soon talking about whether study or work life is better. "If you could choose between work and study, which would you choose?"
"No need to say one lah, study lah!" She then talked about all the work stress and stuff that everyone has to face, just that in her instance, my aunt was her boss so she's having an easier time at work since the boss was family. Funny, why is it that so many people prefer to study than work?
Hm. Food for thought for the week, again. And a fierce holiday week is waiting to pounce on me soon, how's that sound to you?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sneaking a blog entry in the middle of the night
It's halfway through the Common Test period, and I'm not supposed to be blogging, but ah well...
Day in, day out. It's the same old thing all the time - you start and end an exam, you ask around to compare answers to questions. And that's pretty much the boring stuff you see before and after an exam. And it'll probably go on and on until the end of time. Or at least, until I start vomitting blood and my guts out on the exam paper instead of the stuff I memorised just the other day.
It's so irritating - whenever you finish studying for something, you have this urge to slack. It's well deserved at times - the trouble is not knowing when. You rush back home to finish up your revision - and suddenly panic about what the hell you've missed out during revision... In any case I'm just hoping that I make it past that stage of learning by the time the Prelims come.
And oh, the GCE A Level results came out recently. I wonder how my secondary school seniors fared in this major exam, but knowing them, they could be high-flyers for all I know. Big birds, them high flyers. Most surprising was that the top student of year 2009 was actually one of us - from SR Guitar Ensemble. And the gay-looking results were unbelievable. How the hell did Jack and Zhen Yong do it?
Ah well, maybe I'll worry about that after this Common Test period, first of all. And perhaps I should be content with my A for Chinese at the moment while waiting for that dreaded Project Work results to be released. Dammit, the sort of effort we pumped into this project rubbish had better be worth it...
Day in, day out. It's the same old thing all the time - you start and end an exam, you ask around to compare answers to questions. And that's pretty much the boring stuff you see before and after an exam. And it'll probably go on and on until the end of time. Or at least, until I start vomitting blood and my guts out on the exam paper instead of the stuff I memorised just the other day.
It's so irritating - whenever you finish studying for something, you have this urge to slack. It's well deserved at times - the trouble is not knowing when. You rush back home to finish up your revision - and suddenly panic about what the hell you've missed out during revision... In any case I'm just hoping that I make it past that stage of learning by the time the Prelims come.
And oh, the GCE A Level results came out recently. I wonder how my secondary school seniors fared in this major exam, but knowing them, they could be high-flyers for all I know. Big birds, them high flyers. Most surprising was that the top student of year 2009 was actually one of us - from SR Guitar Ensemble. And the gay-looking results were unbelievable. How the hell did Jack and Zhen Yong do it?
Ah well, maybe I'll worry about that after this Common Test period, first of all. And perhaps I should be content with my A for Chinese at the moment while waiting for that dreaded Project Work results to be released. Dammit, the sort of effort we pumped into this project rubbish had better be worth it...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Common Test Study Fever
It's nearing the Common Tests, and it's a big study fever. I mean it.
For one, we were told that we were going to be tested on all the JC1 topics as well as the supplementary lectures' content, as well as having the Paper 3 component compounded into that heap of mess to study for H2 Biology. It's really tough and tough, I'll repeat that. It's tough and tough.
That being said, it was such a waste... I could've hit that Silver if not for the 2.4km run - there practically wasn't any time to jog at all, considering that the Common Test period was so near. And even though I scraped through with an E timing, in SRJC it's considered a Fail and everyone having Bronze or Fail means doing all the 6 stations again in one sitting. Talk about wasting time when everything else goes bad.
Anyways, to the positive side of things. I've been able to concentrate much better with the study groups than I could doing everything alone at home. It's just too overwhelming, but in school when one person knowledge complements the other, we get a full map of ideas to play around with. It's made learning much more fun (with inside jokes included, hah!) and productive. But argh! Homework rears its ugly head, but I must persevere!
Things are looking good, I guess. I just hope that my Econs grade can improve, or stagnate at worst. Just don't let it go down, it's such a waste of effort when it really does happen. So far, my Chemistry is doing good, so I'll probably do something to maintain that. It's really competitive especially when things like that happen as the days start to crawl, and suddenly sprint nearer to the A Level Examinations, duh!
For one, we were told that we were going to be tested on all the JC1 topics as well as the supplementary lectures' content, as well as having the Paper 3 component compounded into that heap of mess to study for H2 Biology. It's really tough and tough, I'll repeat that. It's tough and tough.
That being said, it was such a waste... I could've hit that Silver if not for the 2.4km run - there practically wasn't any time to jog at all, considering that the Common Test period was so near. And even though I scraped through with an E timing, in SRJC it's considered a Fail and everyone having Bronze or Fail means doing all the 6 stations again in one sitting. Talk about wasting time when everything else goes bad.
Anyways, to the positive side of things. I've been able to concentrate much better with the study groups than I could doing everything alone at home. It's just too overwhelming, but in school when one person knowledge complements the other, we get a full map of ideas to play around with. It's made learning much more fun (with inside jokes included, hah!) and productive. But argh! Homework rears its ugly head, but I must persevere!
Things are looking good, I guess. I just hope that my Econs grade can improve, or stagnate at worst. Just don't let it go down, it's such a waste of effort when it really does happen. So far, my Chemistry is doing good, so I'll probably do something to maintain that. It's really competitive especially when things like that happen as the days start to crawl, and suddenly sprint nearer to the A Level Examinations, duh!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
...Seems like it.
Okay, the post title was so...random.
Well anyways, how's having tests and homework thrown at you in the face before the Chinese New Year sound to you? Terrible timing, I'd say. Still, work has to be done anyway, and it isn't everyday that you get your nice hot Vietnamese instant coffee in front of the computer while you blog and worry about what's coming out for the next Chemistry test...
And if that wasn't dampening enough, half the class got dragged into the SRJC Orientation hoo-hah, so half the class is lagging behind and catching up. Add a Econs test and another half the class got a cautioning talk to drop Econs and focus on 3 H2s instead. Makes sense, depending on your priorities.
As for me, I never believed in changing choices when things go bad. I mean, in the first place I wouldn't have taken 4 H2s if I were intent on dropping one subject later on. That'd be wasting unnecessary time for the past one full year of study. I did something, might as well finish it instead of giving up halfway.
That being said though, time is really tight. I gotta study for the next two tests coming up. Signing off.
Well anyways, how's having tests and homework thrown at you in the face before the Chinese New Year sound to you? Terrible timing, I'd say. Still, work has to be done anyway, and it isn't everyday that you get your nice hot Vietnamese instant coffee in front of the computer while you blog and worry about what's coming out for the next Chemistry test...
And if that wasn't dampening enough, half the class got dragged into the SRJC Orientation hoo-hah, so half the class is lagging behind and catching up. Add a Econs test and another half the class got a cautioning talk to drop Econs and focus on 3 H2s instead. Makes sense, depending on your priorities.
As for me, I never believed in changing choices when things go bad. I mean, in the first place I wouldn't have taken 4 H2s if I were intent on dropping one subject later on. That'd be wasting unnecessary time for the past one full year of study. I did something, might as well finish it instead of giving up halfway.
Yeah, you've seen it for yourself. Red Bull doesn't fucking cure mental fatigue... Somebody help!
Monday, February 1, 2010
SRJC Guitar Ensemble 2010 CCA Recruitment - A controversial blast
Wow, I never imagined that there'd be so many people signing up for Guitar Ensemble this year.
Let's look at past recruitments by our seniors so far - there's like, say, maybe an average of 30-40 people per year, but we've broken past that barrier. We've got 60+ members signing up for Guitar Ensemble - how cool is that?
Perhaps it's the electric guitar goodness that attracted them, or that we're simply too good. I don't know.
Now check this out - Guitar Ensemble has become a niche CCA, I was told. During our discussion someone said it could be a typo error or something that made Guitar niche, so the first thing I thought was: "Okay... even if it was a typo, just remove the "h" outta "niche", duh!" It's still a nice CCA to be in anyway.
Yeah, probably that was what they had in mind when they signed up for Guitar. And it was no wonder anyway - Jonathan and Mustaqim brought their electric guitars, amplifiers, and all the other neat Megavolt-Rock-Energy mumbo-jumbo that practically rocked the entire college silly, man. The best spot was actually the concourse - but the band members were whacking their drums so hard, the guitar couldn't be heard at all. Onward to action plan B - turn the master volume to the max, and feel the mini-Haiti underneath your feet.
It still wasn't enough to grab the JC1 freshmen's attention. And for God's sake, nobody was actually shouting for people to join Guitar at all - so we took the initiative. "JOIN GUITAR~!" we shouted. Additional tag lines included: "Bring music to your life!" "We rock the house!" "You won't regret it!" etc.
It did the trick - within the first hour or so I was told that already 48 people signed up. More came later, and despite the high appeal for sports CCAs, we managed to exceed our target of 50 people signing up. Marvellous.
Except that probably what they didn't realise that it wasn't all about electric guitar and stuff like that - it's more classical. However, they still gotta start from scratch first before learning all those cool finger-swiping moves on the guitar at lightning speed, isn't it?
Let's look at past recruitments by our seniors so far - there's like, say, maybe an average of 30-40 people per year, but we've broken past that barrier. We've got 60+ members signing up for Guitar Ensemble - how cool is that?
Perhaps it's the electric guitar goodness that attracted them, or that we're simply too good. I don't know.
Now check this out - Guitar Ensemble has become a niche CCA, I was told. During our discussion someone said it could be a typo error or something that made Guitar niche, so the first thing I thought was: "Okay... even if it was a typo, just remove the "h" outta "niche", duh!" It's still a nice CCA to be in anyway.
Guitar pwnage - SRPowerhouse4Life!
Picture courtesy of http://www.wired.com/
Yeah, probably that was what they had in mind when they signed up for Guitar. And it was no wonder anyway - Jonathan and Mustaqim brought their electric guitars, amplifiers, and all the other neat Megavolt-Rock-Energy mumbo-jumbo that practically rocked the entire college silly, man. The best spot was actually the concourse - but the band members were whacking their drums so hard, the guitar couldn't be heard at all. Onward to action plan B - turn the master volume to the max, and feel the mini-Haiti underneath your feet.
It still wasn't enough to grab the JC1 freshmen's attention. And for God's sake, nobody was actually shouting for people to join Guitar at all - so we took the initiative. "JOIN GUITAR~!" we shouted. Additional tag lines included: "Bring music to your life!" "We rock the house!" "You won't regret it!" etc.
It did the trick - within the first hour or so I was told that already 48 people signed up. More came later, and despite the high appeal for sports CCAs, we managed to exceed our target of 50 people signing up. Marvellous.
Except that probably what they didn't realise that it wasn't all about electric guitar and stuff like that - it's more classical. However, they still gotta start from scratch first before learning all those cool finger-swiping moves on the guitar at lightning speed, isn't it?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Severe lack of sleep
Shit, it's just crazy. I mean, Economics is good and all that but why 3 hours straight of non-stop Economics tutorials and lecture for every Thursday?
Life here is hectic - you try to catch up with various tutorials, and find that the homework comes faster than you can finish them. It's burning many of my Saturdays away for no good reason... So much for the government's 5-day work week policy, I guess it certainly doesn't apply for school at all...
But then again, that's the price we gotta pay to get where we want to get to, anyway. Were it so simple, you'd hit a university graduate for every piece of spittle you spew outta your mouth upwards into the sky. Sometimes you just need some time-out from studies - even a full 24 hour rest from all school and household work would suffice. Yet we aren't granted that at all - what's happening?
We aren't workaholics, we don't craft research papers or create theories like Newton do. I don't see the point of having severe lack of sleep while studying for tests and exams. Work and sleep have to come together in equal proportions (but some just push for more time sleeping than actually doing homework). Sure, mental flexibility can be trained, but in the long run I don't think that's gonna work while everyone of us is deprived of the basic need to sleep and rest the cognitive mind into thinking better than what we actually are doing.
Life here is hectic - you try to catch up with various tutorials, and find that the homework comes faster than you can finish them. It's burning many of my Saturdays away for no good reason... So much for the government's 5-day work week policy, I guess it certainly doesn't apply for school at all...
But then again, that's the price we gotta pay to get where we want to get to, anyway. Were it so simple, you'd hit a university graduate for every piece of spittle you spew outta your mouth upwards into the sky. Sometimes you just need some time-out from studies - even a full 24 hour rest from all school and household work would suffice. Yet we aren't granted that at all - what's happening?
We aren't workaholics, we don't craft research papers or create theories like Newton do. I don't see the point of having severe lack of sleep while studying for tests and exams. Work and sleep have to come together in equal proportions (but some just push for more time sleeping than actually doing homework). Sure, mental flexibility can be trained, but in the long run I don't think that's gonna work while everyone of us is deprived of the basic need to sleep and rest the cognitive mind into thinking better than what we actually are doing.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Beginning of the school term - I used to have a life of my own!
Finally, the holidays are over, and I'm back to my study self again - only this time, with a twist.
For one, the holiday homework is never-ending, and it snowballs and gets worse as each day goes by. Looks like the pain is starting to kick in. In addition to all that, the tests are coming up next week, even as I write this now.
That aside, looks like I'm starting another caffeine-drinking year again. "Uncle, iced coffee, no sweet syrup!" And yeah, that's among the things I consume in school all the time, without fail. Sugar inside that coffee is good, but it defeats the purpose of coffee - it's supposed to keep you awake, not bring you to a sugar rush and make you sleep again!
As for adapting myself to yet another hectic school year again, maybe I should count myself lucky, having quite nice people for classmates this year. Maybe this year, I should appreciate my class more than what I did for my previous class. That being said, I do miss people like Joey and Mus, since they downgraded their H2 into H1 Economics and got into a different class. Well, to each his own, if it leads to their personal goals...
And speaking of goals, our new Economics tutor was fantastic. At least it's no longer a drag to discuss Economics questions during tutorial, since everyone has at least some background information off-hand to put into essay discussions. A far cry from what was class 1S02 last year...
Homework is piling up, and I've managed to revive most of the "dead skills of studying". Let's just say that everyone has to work hard from now on, myself included. Still, sometimes I don't have that discipline to stay on task and eventually I drift off from work to play. It's tough, but almost every bit of time is squeezed tight from the start of the year.
Sometimes, you've just gotta give yourself some space and time to reflect upon things, like that valuable time during Lao Cai last year. It's never gonna come back again, and trying to get this kind of time is tough because the work sometimes keeps a stranglehold onto your work.
But anyways, I shall try.
My quote for the month:
For one, the holiday homework is never-ending, and it snowballs and gets worse as each day goes by. Looks like the pain is starting to kick in. In addition to all that, the tests are coming up next week, even as I write this now.
That aside, looks like I'm starting another caffeine-drinking year again. "Uncle, iced coffee, no sweet syrup!" And yeah, that's among the things I consume in school all the time, without fail. Sugar inside that coffee is good, but it defeats the purpose of coffee - it's supposed to keep you awake, not bring you to a sugar rush and make you sleep again!
As for adapting myself to yet another hectic school year again, maybe I should count myself lucky, having quite nice people for classmates this year. Maybe this year, I should appreciate my class more than what I did for my previous class. That being said, I do miss people like Joey and Mus, since they downgraded their H2 into H1 Economics and got into a different class. Well, to each his own, if it leads to their personal goals...
And speaking of goals, our new Economics tutor was fantastic. At least it's no longer a drag to discuss Economics questions during tutorial, since everyone has at least some background information off-hand to put into essay discussions. A far cry from what was class 1S02 last year...
Homework is piling up, and I've managed to revive most of the "dead skills of studying". Let's just say that everyone has to work hard from now on, myself included. Still, sometimes I don't have that discipline to stay on task and eventually I drift off from work to play. It's tough, but almost every bit of time is squeezed tight from the start of the year.
Sometimes, you've just gotta give yourself some space and time to reflect upon things, like that valuable time during Lao Cai last year. It's never gonna come back again, and trying to get this kind of time is tough because the work sometimes keeps a stranglehold onto your work.
But anyways, I shall try.
My quote for the month:
"If you're gonna achieve something, keep it simple and just do it."Yeah, random shit. hope it'll make sense at some critical point in time...
Saturday, January 9, 2010
~ SRGCE Lao Cai - Memories Unerased: Chapter 10 - Epilogue ~
The next day came, and it was time to say goodbye to Hanoi, to Vietnam, and all the good times we have been while on this school trip.
I couldn't say a proper goodbye to Khnah, neither do I have anything with me to remember him by, except for that brief but impactful brush across each other's lives that taught me things no textbook can ever teach. So I decided within myself - it's not going to happen to Xny again.
Throughout the journey from the day we landed in Hanoi and stepped into Sapa Town and Ban Ho Village (except for the Mt Fansipan hike), he was there for us - telling us about the history of the place, sometimes even reading out the menu for us, and teaching us of the things that revolve a Vietnamese's life.
It's not going to happen again. So, during the bus ride, I felt a strong inner nudge to do so.
It's kind of funny, though, to say the least. Initially through the trainings, I have been thinking to myself: "Why the hell are you trying to do all these? You have asthma, and God knows when it'll act up. You aren't the sporty kind of person, so what makes you think you can scale a mountain?" And at the end of all that training, the fruits of your labour come so lavishly that you don't want it to end. I mean, seriously.
In fact, it's just psychological warfare that we're up and against, every single day.
Looking at the things we've been doing in Lao Cai, attempting to ease their burden that life throws at them hard in the face, however little or much, I can't help but think of the entire trip from start to end, over and over again. It's like a film replaying itself as and when it wants to, and it's outta your own control. Even little events like having dinner with my family at the coffee shop and looking at the leftovers left at the table next to us can trigger that image. Yes, that image of us "one-day farmers" actually doing the ploughing and working on the land to grow food back at Lao Cai, just to name an example.
Or things like looking at primary school children running around like nobody's business when school ends. I myself have a sister who's in primary school, so I get to see these kids often. They remind me of the kids we taught, played with, and observed and hung around with back in Ban Ho Village School.
These kids' endless and spontaneous loud laughter, where once I saw as annoying when walking past a busy street in the morning, now seemed to be much contagious than it once was to me. Well, I guess things will never be looked on the same way as I did back then before the trip, ever again.
"Breaking barriers, changing mindsets." Yep, I think they achieved their mission well. I mean, look at these negative stuff about myself.
"...without much muscle power, kind of weak in the mind, easily gives up, is shy and easily embarrassed like a sissy, has lots of problems and secrets that he refuses to share with others around him, for fear of being laughed at..." (quoted from Chapter 1)
After this trip, I've begun to throw these away. At least some of what I initially thought of myself as, stated above. It isn't wrong to have all these negative thoughts (there will definitely be some at some point in time), but what's the use of holding onto these stuff, if it does you no good? I remember somewhere along the lines of what Mr Teng has said:
However, just take a good, long, hard look at what we see around us in Singapore today. People having family problems, job stress that can sometimes involve high-stake investments as large as million-dollar projects, the risk of getting evicted when you cannot pay your rent to your landlord, the problem of not being able to enrol in some of the top national schools, et cetera. You get the idea - the things get more complicated as the list goes on, ad infinitum.
Just how happy can we get? Probably not very, given that almost everywhere in Singapore it's a rat race for happiness. Rat race to enrol in the top national school so that one can impress the employer with one's resume, for a secure rice bowl (good wages and a secure job) that equates happiness. Rat race to become the nation's number one richest man so that he can buy all the things that can keep him happy. And the messier it gets, the harder it is for one to be happy for the moment, if at all...
Perhaps it's just that key of simplicity that makes us happy. In fact, the simple it is, the harder it is to waste time to find fault at it. Perhaps it is time to just sit down and think about what will actually truly make you happy in life. It's a simple task, and I believe it eventually will end up with a simple answer.
When that simple answer is found, keep it simple.
Yes, simple.
I couldn't say a proper goodbye to Khnah, neither do I have anything with me to remember him by, except for that brief but impactful brush across each other's lives that taught me things no textbook can ever teach. So I decided within myself - it's not going to happen to Xny again.
Throughout the journey from the day we landed in Hanoi and stepped into Sapa Town and Ban Ho Village (except for the Mt Fansipan hike), he was there for us - telling us about the history of the place, sometimes even reading out the menu for us, and teaching us of the things that revolve a Vietnamese's life.
It's not going to happen again. So, during the bus ride, I felt a strong inner nudge to do so.
If I can't guarantee I'll ever see Xny again for the rest of my life, at least there'll be a picture of us to remember him - and the entire Lao Cai experience by.
It still happened again, though. By the time we went past the check-in, we were walking into the departure hall. And I didn't know that Xny wasn't going to walk past that place to see us off after check-in. That's two goodbyes I never got to say properly - and will never get to do so again for the rest of my life.
In fact, it's just psychological warfare that we're up and against, every single day.
Looking at the things we've been doing in Lao Cai, attempting to ease their burden that life throws at them hard in the face, however little or much, I can't help but think of the entire trip from start to end, over and over again. It's like a film replaying itself as and when it wants to, and it's outta your own control. Even little events like having dinner with my family at the coffee shop and looking at the leftovers left at the table next to us can trigger that image. Yes, that image of us "one-day farmers" actually doing the ploughing and working on the land to grow food back at Lao Cai, just to name an example.
Or things like looking at primary school children running around like nobody's business when school ends. I myself have a sister who's in primary school, so I get to see these kids often. They remind me of the kids we taught, played with, and observed and hung around with back in Ban Ho Village School.
These kids' endless and spontaneous loud laughter, where once I saw as annoying when walking past a busy street in the morning, now seemed to be much contagious than it once was to me. Well, I guess things will never be looked on the same way as I did back then before the trip, ever again.
"Breaking barriers, changing mindsets." Yep, I think they achieved their mission well. I mean, look at these negative stuff about myself.
"...without much muscle power, kind of weak in the mind, easily gives up, is shy and easily embarrassed like a sissy, has lots of problems and secrets that he refuses to share with others around him, for fear of being laughed at..." (quoted from Chapter 1)
After this trip, I've begun to throw these away. At least some of what I initially thought of myself as, stated above. It isn't wrong to have all these negative thoughts (there will definitely be some at some point in time), but what's the use of holding onto these stuff, if it does you no good? I remember somewhere along the lines of what Mr Teng has said:
Yeah. I can't say I understand that kind of joy that these people have, but at least I can finally say to myself I'm starting somewhere. In fact, if things were that simple, there wouldn't be a need for the concept of having a utopia, anyway."Look at these villagers, so happy with the simple pleasures in life."
However, just take a good, long, hard look at what we see around us in Singapore today. People having family problems, job stress that can sometimes involve high-stake investments as large as million-dollar projects, the risk of getting evicted when you cannot pay your rent to your landlord, the problem of not being able to enrol in some of the top national schools, et cetera. You get the idea - the things get more complicated as the list goes on, ad infinitum.
Just how happy can we get? Probably not very, given that almost everywhere in Singapore it's a rat race for happiness. Rat race to enrol in the top national school so that one can impress the employer with one's resume, for a secure rice bowl (good wages and a secure job) that equates happiness. Rat race to become the nation's number one richest man so that he can buy all the things that can keep him happy. And the messier it gets, the harder it is for one to be happy for the moment, if at all...
Perhaps it's just that key of simplicity that makes us happy. In fact, the simple it is, the harder it is to waste time to find fault at it. Perhaps it is time to just sit down and think about what will actually truly make you happy in life. It's a simple task, and I believe it eventually will end up with a simple answer.
When that simple answer is found, keep it simple.
Yes, simple.
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