~ SRGCE Lao Cai - Memories Unerased: Chapter 10 - Epilogue ~

The next day came, and it was time to say goodbye to Hanoi, to Vietnam, and all the good times we have been while on this school trip.

I couldn't say a proper goodbye to Khnah, neither do I have anything with me to remember him by, except for that brief but impactful brush across each other's lives that taught me things no textbook can ever teach. So I decided within myself - it's not going to happen to Xny again.

Throughout the journey from the day we landed in Hanoi and stepped into Sapa Town and Ban Ho Village (except for the Mt Fansipan hike), he was there for us - telling us about the history of the place, sometimes even reading out the menu for us, and teaching us of the things that revolve a Vietnamese's life.

It's not going to happen again. So, during the bus ride, I felt a strong inner nudge to do so.

If I can't guarantee I'll ever see Xny again for the rest of my life, at least there'll be a picture of us to remember him - and the entire Lao Cai experience by.

It still happened again, though. By the time we went past the check-in, we were walking into the departure hall. And I didn't know that Xny wasn't going to walk past that place to see us off after check-in. That's two goodbyes I never got to say properly - and will never get to do so again for the rest of my life.

It's kind of funny, though, to say the least. Initially through the trainings, I have been thinking to myself: "Why the hell are you trying to do all these? You have asthma, and God knows when it'll act up. You aren't the sporty kind of person, so what makes you think you can scale a mountain?" And at the end of all that training, the fruits of your labour come so lavishly that you don't want it to end. I mean, seriously.

In fact, it's just psychological warfare that we're up and against, every single day.

Looking at the things we've been doing in Lao Cai, attempting to ease their burden that life throws at them hard in the face, however little or much, I can't help but think of the entire trip from start to end, over and over again. It's like a film replaying itself as and when it wants to, and it's outta your own control. Even little events like having dinner with my family at the coffee shop and looking at the leftovers left at the table next to us can trigger that image. Yes, that image of us "one-day farmers" actually doing the ploughing and working on the land to grow food back at Lao Cai, just to name an example.

Or things like looking at primary school children running around like nobody's business when school ends. I myself have a sister who's in primary school, so I get to see these kids often. They remind me of the kids we taught, played with, and observed and hung around with back in Ban Ho Village School.

These kids' endless and spontaneous loud laughter, where once I saw as annoying when walking past a busy street in the morning, now seemed to be much contagious than it once was to me. Well, I guess things will never be looked on the same way as I did back then before the trip, ever again.

"Breaking barriers, changing mindsets." Yep, I think they achieved their mission well. I mean, look at these negative stuff about myself.

"...without much muscle power, kind of weak in the mind, easily gives up, is shy and easily embarrassed like a sissy, has lots of problems and secrets that he refuses to share with others around him, for fear of being laughed at..." (quoted from Chapter 1)

After this trip, I've begun to throw these away. At least some of what I initially thought of myself as, stated above. It isn't wrong to have all these negative thoughts (there will definitely be some at some point in time), but what's the use of holding onto these stuff, if it does you no good? I remember somewhere along the lines of what Mr Teng has said:

"Look at these villagers, so happy with the simple pleasures in life."

Yeah. I can't say I understand that kind of joy that these people have, but at least I can finally say to myself I'm starting somewhere. In fact, if things were that simple, there wouldn't be a need for the concept of having a utopia, anyway.

However, just take a good, long, hard look at what we see around us in Singapore today. People having family problems, job stress that can sometimes involve high-stake investments as large as million-dollar projects, the risk of getting evicted when you cannot pay your rent to your landlord, the problem of not being able to enrol in some of the top national schools, et cetera. You get the idea - the things get more complicated as the list goes on, ad infinitum.

Just how happy can we get? Probably not very, given that almost everywhere in Singapore it's a rat race for happiness. Rat race to enrol in the top national school so that one can impress the employer with one's resume, for a secure rice bowl (good wages and a secure job) that equates happiness. Rat race to become the nation's number one richest man so that he can buy all the things that can keep him happy. And the messier it gets, the harder it is for one to be happy for the moment, if at all...

Perhaps it's just that key of simplicity that makes us happy. In fact, the simple it is, the harder it is to waste time to find fault at it. Perhaps it is time to just sit down and think about what will actually truly make you happy in life. It's a simple task, and I believe it eventually will end up with a simple answer.

When that simple answer is found, keep it simple.

Yes, simple.