When I was told of this Guitar Ensemble Farewell Chalet meant for the Secondary Fours, I already knew who was gonna come and who wasn't. Daniel and Jonathan were feeling really down and dejected because they were rejected for the Harmony 2008 Concert, so I knew what they were going through. However, I still tried to persuade them to come and join the rest of the Ensemble, to no avail, obviously. Knowing Benedict's couldn't-care-less attitude, he wouldn't even bother to come even if I tried to get him to, and he didn't come.
Great, I've been with them bass boys for the past 3 years, being looked down by Mrs NC Koh, being seen as the boys who couldn't do anything of substance within the CCA group. I was the one down there doing their dirty job of annotating the scores so they could play the bass section of the pieces, and many times I fork out their lunches and snacks out of my own pockets. This is what I got for 4 years of service in the CCA.
Thank God He sent Jacob to come for this chalet - at least I know there's someone out there who still cares for this socially-challenged senior of his.
During the first day of that farewell chalet, I was told that there wasn't any barbecue on that day itself, but rather on the next day. Of course, I was really angry at that time because it meant that I couldn't attend that barbecue due to my hip-hop dance item training and practice for the Christmas Dinner 2008 starting at 8pm the day after. The "today no barbecue" quote was already turning my stomach upside down the moment I heard it.
I was just recovering from this disappointment as the day went on, until the rest of the Secondary Four batch went for the movies without me. Hell, nobody even told me that they were wearing the batch tees and they just up and went for the movie marathon without asking me along at all! So naturally, being the only Secondary Four boy among the entire girl-dominated batch there, I felt left out. What to do while they were out at the movies? I stayed with the juniors, playing cards and behaving immaturely just to fit in.
The next day, after hitting Li Pin's mouth with the "ball", which was actually a soap bar, by mistake due to some rough Captain's Ball playing, I felt really bad. I actually injured a girl, and the guilt made the day worse, and after being told off by her I stayed my distance from Li Pin, just so that she might feel better with my brief absence. Hell, if you guys performed friendly fire in the middle of a rough game, you'd understand why I did that.
After buying drinks for a parched Guitar Ensemble, a familiar voice shouted out from the crowd: "Aaron, I forgive you!" That forgiveness made me ponder about some things much later. However at that moment I dared not look back at her. I just didn't dare to - I didn't, and still don't know why.
Despite being forgiven I still felt lousy for the day - and the rain had to spoil early barbecue. Two ladies were cooking at our pit just before the rains came - I wrote about this before in the previous posts. And I was later called back to the Secondary Fours' room in the chalet and told about some admin issues the Secondary Three committee were lacking on and mistakes they made, and I was to be there for a, supposedly, Secondary Four batch photo.
Apparently I don't think I was supposed to be part of it from the start. I was about to join in the photo-taking, but one of them said it was only for the girls, so what was I to do, being the sole minority there? I stood as I watched them take some photos and decided this wasn't getting anywhere, so I got out of that place.
Good riddance, I thought. I didn't belong there anyway. Uncle Steven came at the right time - at 7.30pm. The rain was so heavy that day that the barbecue failed anyway, so in a way I was delivered from a situation whereby everything looked really bad and hopeless, to a community who was working towards one common goal - to spread His name to the rest of a portion of the Singaporean community and to raise funds for the church building in the name of Jesus, via doing our part in preparing an English Congregation dance item for "Peerless Name Jesus" Christmas Dinner 2008.
After all of that was over, I sat back in the room to think about why all that happened, still bearing hidden grudges and things. She might have said that just to make me feel better at that moment, but if she can forgive me for what I did to her, why can't I do the same to those around me, just like how Christ has forgiven those who believe in Him?
Yeah, maybe it's time to just put aside all that ostracism and get on with life, as it is with Jesus around.
To put it in a dramatic sense, God delivered me out of all that anger and frustration and changed all that into devotion and concentration in the item. And there I found my solace - no more loneliness in Him, no more need for needless explosions of anger. And I'm still holding onto His promise that He will never leave nor forsake me. come hell or high water.
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