Okay, I'll be honest with myself.
I studied a lot, but I did so half-heartedly, just wanting to get over and done with the Mid-Year Examinations. Because of this, I lost sight of my goal towards the As and I ended up with Bs and Cs for my results. Of course, there was quite some difficulty in the Biology, Physics and Chemistry papers, and that everyone scored badly for them. I however, simply wasn't mentally prepared to get so low a mark.
Why all that bad grades? I found that I am studying just for the sake of getting an opportunity to make it big out there and earn money, but then I found that what I'm working for in my studies is just to let my parents have a better life than what they're working so hard for. If that was so, why bother to study so hard? I could just get an average grade, get into average school, get into average university and get an average degree to earn an average income and feed my parents...
That was what I thought. But this low results and Kevin's words, though soft and casual, woke me up. Why am I doing all this for?
"Don't do it for your parents - they won't care shit about what you're gonna be when you grow up. Do you honestly think they'll follow and guide you for the rest of your life? No - just study to glorify God." He struck a chord in what I was vexed about, the whole time I was studying during the June holidays. I now find that the reason that I'm studying this whole while was just something very temporary.
Given my father's character and what he's done for the family so far, I don't think he deserves much, other than simply for the fact that he's my father. My mom, slogging just to keep us alive, is the one who deserves the bulk of the pay I'm gonna get when I get to work. But then, who am I really gonna work for ultimately when they and the people around me start going off to, touch wood, the grave?
Pondering over this for a while, I start to think: "Yea, the grades are mine, not theirs." Who's gonna care about what I'm getting in the future when nobody else is around? Only Jesus would. He died on the cross, gave his life for me, so why shouldn't I give him what he expects of me - to get better results to glorify His name, rather to please men? It is impossible to please everyone, so I reckon I'll just please God instead. Given His high standards for me, I'll do much better for the preliminary examinations, for ultimately, I will trust in Him to give me strength and discipline to do better.
If anything in particular, I declare that Jesus will be my guide in my academic success from this moment on, however He is much more than just help for my academic successes, you understand... So far I've not met any God who is gracious enough to help me out in academics, other than Jesus.
2 comments:
i am so sad to see this post of yours. u should be ashamed of yourself...
how can u smack away the merit of your parents aside while all your life, their blood is flowing inside you? how can u smack aside the merit of all the people around u, who cared for u since your birth? Does it mean that when the people are dead, they do not deserve credit for the merits that they have done before?
u do not own anyone except yourself a good examination result. u should not be doing all these hardwork for anyone but yourself! nobody owns u anything. u do not own anyone anything. to say that u r doing the hardwork for your god is silly. he do not need u to get good results. You need the good results yourself!
study hard because it IS the right thing to do. and because you enjoy the personal challenge of an examination. Get good results BECAUSE YOU CAN! not because u want to get your parents a beter life.
you only need to think of HOW U CAN REPAY the people who deserves it when u have the ability to do it. u do not have the financial ability to repay them now, but i'm sure u can repay them on a daily basis with something else... being thoughtful and caring to people around you, and cultivate a good character.
one thing at a time and dun burn yourself out dude!
In response to tango's comment:
If I were to live my life the way I want it, what my personal goals would then be just limited to what I'm comfortable with - just an average grade and everything that is just enough for me and my family to survive and thrive. If anything, the moment I give up, all my standards would drop to zero. Everything would become meaningless then, because I know that I am a person who sets mediocre standards for myself, as compared to the standards set by others around me.
Besides, working to glorify a God who loves me enough to give his life for me, means that I follow His higher standards, and in the end I believe that I see myself benefitting from all that, because through Him, I can surpass myself and give my parents, as well as those around me, a better life. So who's to say that doing the hard work for God is silly?
You might argue that setting mediocre standards is an attitude problem that I myself have to overcome. I find Jesus Christ to be that solution to overcoming this big problem, so why not let me work for God in peace then, if it ultimately leads to my well-being?
Then again, if getting the results depends truly on my own ability, I don't have to repay anyone at all, which is contradictory to what is said when I'm asked to think of how I can repay the people who deserves it. If I'm truly the only one who's doing it out of my own effort, why credit yourself for the work you have not done?
That being said though, I still recognise the effort and moral support everyone gives me in the improvement of my grades and academic success, however, and will still give credit where it is due.
Nevertheless, I still will maintain the notion that I am doing it willingly BOTH for God and for myself, for doing something for Him is doing something that benefits myself.
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