My father and I - quite an uncomfortable topic, but...

Just began to recall a conversation with Wan Teng, Kenny and I on our way out of the school gate. I forgot what we were talking about, but it somehow strayed into me talking about my father. Definitely not a person I'm comfortable talking about...

As we talked, maybe I seemed a lot like a materialistic jerk or something, but the fact that my father doesn't bring money home from work should be able to tell us something - he isn't putting any effort into the family at all. Surely any taxi driver should be able to contribute something to the family, but no. I haven't been receiving pocket money from him since like a couple of months ago. Surviving on just $10 a week is almost impossible nowadays - and apparently he doesn't realise that. Any more money off from him is like asking for a miracle to happen.

Living in an area next to the marketplace isn't simple either. And my neighbour's father is also a taxi driver. However, his son still gets enough to get by - around $20-30 a week, the last time I heard. Life sure is unfair sometimes, so you've gotta grit your teeth through whatever you do...

My own pocket money aside, the last time I heard, my mom only gets $20 a day off from him, and that's just for family expenses. Without my mom having to work, I think we'll starve.

Assuming that he only gets enough from his rounds to pay off the taxi rent due to some "rubbish-ed" reason, he should be changing jobs already, but every once in a while I see him with a new handphone or some other weird gadget, so he should be quite well off. In fact, I did see what he'd pull out - a stack of cash, and he says it's for the taxi rent so we cannot touch it. Nice excuse, torn down hard when I saw him take out money out of the same stack for Mom's allowance.

In fact, I once contemplated taking some out of that stack that appears every now and then just to supplement my allowance, but then that'd be stealing from my own family. I don't want this kind of money. I want legitimate cash. I just want enough to get by in school. Fortunately, my grandparents decided quite some time ago to offer to give me pocket money every now and then, so I can get by, with some extra money for emergencies.

Money aside, I don't even see him much of the time. Only when I go home on Sundays after church service do I see him, and even then it's just for a few hours and he's back to running his rounds. I hardly have time to talk to him. Making matters worse, because my entire family is non-Christian and he being strongly anti-Christian, we hardly ever talk anymore ever since I first attended church.

Not too long ago, he chased out our long-time tenant whose rental made life easier for family expenses while he was still with us. Add all of this on to the fact that my father has a history of owing my grandparents, uncles and aunts a large sum of money used to clear his gambling debts. He's real lucky my mom still stuck to him after all these years. Needless to say I don't like my own father, but what can I do? He's still my father.

I used to hear one of my uncles who's very close to my father say this about him: "This piece of cow dung, you can do without, seriously. The real victim is the rose stuck to it. That's why you're here - to support your mom when you have the ability to."

And so, that's what I'm doing. Or at least, that's what I think I'm going to do.

Mid Year Exam Blues

"Ah, never a dull moment..." Ms Koh was saying during Econs lecture last Tuesday...

Yeah, right.

How the hell do you stop studying for a while to take a breather before going on for more? Cramming isn't working. Neither is there enough time for a full concentrated revision period before the Mid Year Exams come. Add in Logistics work, a PI report fully annotated with red ink, and a good D in the last Chemistry test ruining a straight A record, and you get low morale. Thus the irony.

...Great. Another piece of homework undone yet. I shall update soon.

Get a life, Aaron!

It isn't pleasant at all. I wish there was ample time for everything. But things, being things, have to get done anyways, so no point complaining. Or, maybe you can complain as much as you like, provided things get done.

It's all coming at one fell swoop again: Biology Test on Monday, Economics Essay test right on the day after, and on Wednesday I have to go for Logistics training for this coming Friday's Performing Arts Nite, in which Mustaqim and I are going to play Radical Dreamers: Unstolen Jewel for pre-programme entertainment. In other words, care-lair-fare playing that isn't part of the whole item after all...

Ah well... This coming week IS going to be super-stressful, so don't be surprised when you guys see me cursing and swearing in school! Add the cough that just doesn't go away despite heavy doses of medicine, and you get an irate student who wants to already give up hope on this semester's overall academic performance. Of course, couple that with a few personal problems and feelings of confusion over who's what and who's who in my heart, and grr. You'd think it'd be a miracle if just about anyone could've just survived that.

The College Migraine, mixed feelings and tough nuts

Needless to say, losing hours of sleep to Project Work, homework and tests means that most of us in college are starting to feel its detrimental effects. People in my left, right and centre are all getting ill. First, Juan previously recovered from the flu, then Reymond lost his voice and had frequent nose bleeds due to overblowing his nose. Dominic had a sore throat. Julia had a splitting headache. Add all these together, add in a bit of honey drink and you get a complete cough with flu combo, plus additional phlegm that shouldn't be there in the first place. Add in another 4km run, with 1.6km interval training. If these don't kill me then nothing else will. I guess.

In short, I fell sick.

"Give me homework and I'll do it." Yeah, right. Who am I gonna lie to with this statement? Look at the amount of homework on my plate, and you'd wonder why people call Mount Everest the tallest mountain in the world.

I ain't Superman. I ain't a homework-completing machine. I need a good week's rest. I don't want medicine - I want to stay healthy and alert. I don't want to produce sarcasm without knowing it. I want to joke - I want to entertain my friends. I don't want this amount of stress all at one go. I want to be myself again.

These days I don't really have common topics to share with my classmates - I reckon the stress has hit me too much that I think I don't even know how to relax by relaxing. Somebody help!