NSFs being weak? I don't think so.

There is this LAN shop near my house that I always frequent, not because I can't use the computer at home, mind you. It's a nice place to hang around during weekends because of the different people that I've met and learned their way of life, their hospitality and all. Work for them is rather hectic, with tight schedules from customers bringing their computers in and expecting them to fix everything within a short time...

Still, being a LAN shop and all, it's quite a relaxing place to sit down and watch people come and go while sitting back and think of the recent things that have happened in camp. Physical training, VOC and other bits and pieces of nonsense that keep each day fresh and new in camp, and leave you not knowing what to expect for the next day. But it probably is this kind of suspense that actually makes me quite enjoy National Service. Or was there something else that is powering up my internal drive for doing my best and more during my period of National Service?

Last week in camp, someone was holding to a fresh new copy of The Straits Times and telling people that some NSF guy from 3 SIR died in outfield training, or something like that. And I, being an NSF myself right now, expected a great uproar among the public, and remained silent, thinking that I'd rather just sit back and see what the hell went on before developing my own opinion of the unfortunate chain of events that would ensue. I was right - there was a big uproar. Lately, there was this female fella who probably didn't think through her head when she said something along the lines of "Singaporean NSFs being weak" or something like that.

Nuts, shit like that happens every time, despite people always throwing reminders into the air "not to comment on things going on in camp" and "be more sensitive about what you type in Twitter and Facebook." This fella's gonna get flamed and condemned by many, for sure.

NSFs being weak, seriously?

Try out our own everyday PT just for a week. But it is definitely the soreness of the limbs and constant adrenaline that comes from long distance running (sometimes up to 10km, and then some), and regular interval training, amongst other sorts of physical training, that turns "boys to men." But that isn't all. We go outfield and feed mosquitoes (and they don't even thank us when we donate blood to them), endure many nights without sleep, and dragging our weary bodies and struggling to keep alert and finish our mission in all sorts of military exercises, all in the name of national defence, to protect our loved ones, to protect our livelihoods, to protect the small little red dot on the Southeast Asian map that we call home.

And take note - not everyone can endure heavy loads for extended periods of time without sleep, and we all know the constant sting of the headaches that come along with not having enough sleep (A-Level, Polytechnic and University students will know this pain very well, those in the workforce especially). And we also get punished for things like "Shag, cannot think issit!?" and for being "blur cocks" when we forget our fundamentals and basic soldier discipline when we start getting mentally tired out and make mistakes out in the field. Rightfully so, for when a soldier makes a mistake, he endangers all the people around him, and in real war there are sometimes no second chances. All of these to build up soldiers that can function well in the face of fatigue and still stay fighting fit to defend our country. This is NOT weakness. Hell, even the neighbouring countries also maintain a cordial relationship with Singapore, because they realise that to be hostile and lay aggression towards Singapore means they have a heavy price to pay, because of the established image of Singapore, over many years, having a defence force strong enough to be reckoned with. All with the sweat and blood of our fathers, uncles and brothers, who gave every ounce of their strength and time to contribute, which actually counted even if it was considered to be quite insignificant.

While everyone else enjoys civilian life in peace and prosperity, people like us NSFs have to put up with 2 years of being detached from the rest of society. While you guys use iPhones, we use brick-like candybar Nokia phones with no cameras. While most of you guys enjoy the comfort of air-conditioned lecture halls or office rooms, we sweat it out during everyday training. All in the name of protecting our own livelihoods, just so people can say we are weak after devoting two whole years of our life contributing silently to our defence, just so you guys can sleep snugly in your beds, worrying only about what to choose for breakfast tomorrow?

Even in places like the USA, where everything is being protrayed by the mass media to be top-notch in terms of defence and technology, where everything seems to be good as shown in movies, things that are being displayed are sometimes far from the truth. People sometimes even have to keep firearms in their houses as a deterrent against violent tresspassers who attempt at messing up their own turf, while in Singapore, we can walk through street alleyways alone sometimes without a fear that the next minute someone's gonna rob you. Thank all these to the NSFs serving in the civil defence force (hey, people also serve NS in the SCDF as well, in case you're wondering. True story, my friend's serving down there.)

And down here, we do suffer from attrition as well. People get injured doing what they do during intense training as well. People suffer from bone stress fractures from time to time, sprained ankles, dislocated shoulders among other things. And yet, more often than not, those who suffered such injuries continue to serve our nation, albeit in different lesser roles like being the armskotesman, mess boys, storemen, and clerks, among other roles. And there is always that "garang soldier" who voluntarily continues to serve in active duty even though they are awarded medical status protection to excuse them from certain tasks because of injuries and conditions like having shin splints and muscle pulls, and the occasional foot rot.

Strength is not just measured physically, but also mentally. Sometimes there are also NSFs who suffer the loss of loved ones during their period of service. Sometimes even sergeants and officers are not spared from such catastrophic turns of events as well. Being able to deal with the loss of their own family members, and still stand up to the challenge of leading their men to finish their tasks during missions and make their operations successful despite physical and mental fatigue, is not something the average person is able to do. It takes a tremendous amount of mental discipline to do so, which sometimes only the harshest training that NS provides can accomplish in NSFs that stand up to their call of duty for two whole years.

You, who say Singaporean NSFs are weak, stand up, try doing what we do, and feel our pain first before saying anything.

Time flies really fast before you know it.

It's been almost a year since my last post, and lately, many things have happened. Life changing events, several ups and downs, enough to write an exercise book's worth of memories. In fact, I'm keeping one right now in my camp bunk, just so I can write whenever I feel like it.

Perhaps the only fast and concise way to describe my past one year for ease of reading without divulging too much information, would be putting them in bullet points, eh?

• Enlisted into the army into Hawk Company. Blur soldier back then, just blindly following orders in BMT because it's the easiest way to stay outta trouble.
• Got vocationed as a Combat Engineer, and have been serving in 35 SCE, Alpha Company ever since. 11 months left to ORD, yay!
• Participated in NDP 2011, Majulah! Fruitful experience
• Lamented at the lack of freedom when serving the army, and always feeling low morale because the coursemates and I were always getting punished, some for reasons unknown, but mainly because of the lack of regimental discipline.
• Finished course, and done a lot of physical training. More was to follow, even now.
• Went for military exercise. Done a lot of stuff, made a lot of mistakes along the way, learnt from experience, moved on.
• Met a lot of interesting people, some came and left, met the ugly side of people as well as their better sides. Learned how not to be judgemental, and staying cool in times of stress so that I can think with a clear head.

For those who know me personally, there's a helluva stories to tell ever since I've served NS. And I must say, I've really grown a lot as a teenager-turning-adult, in heart, mind, body and soul. All these time, I've learned how to look at things from different angles, different perspectives, and it has enriched my life a lot. Talking to people and understanding their background, their slice of life, and whatnot has seemed to become sorta like my hobby now. Or should I say, I'm always willing to offer an listening ear to other people's problems, but now more so than before.

Is it a good thing or not? We'll leave it to God to decide.

Army life got me thinking

Haven't blogged in a while, and thought I'd come back to this little "shrine" of mine to keep this blog going. It's been dead for almost 3 months, partly because of laziness and lack of discipline to maintain it, while at the same time serving National Service.

Blogging in the bunk. A lot of things have gone on, some good, some bad, but tough times don't last - tough men do. I just hope I can last through the last week of Basic Military Training, so I can live to tell the tale. That being said, our training is so much easier as compared to the previous generations of military conscripts training in the very facility we are in right now. Still, there's always a story to tell, and I've finally got one I can call mine.

Going to take over guard duty shift soon. Signing out.

April - The Month of Physical Stress and Mental Boredom

So, I've quite my previous job already, and it's getting mighty tiring just sitting at home and doing nothing but playing computer games. Uncle Yiye's pushing for me to get shaped up to prepare for National Service, but I reckon - so many people don't train up for National Service before enlistment anyway, why should I? After all that's what being enlisted as recruits and Basic Military Training (BMT) is all about anyway...

Or maybe I'm just plain lazy and can't get my ass off my hot seat in front of the computer.

In any case, I'm still getting myself to jog and cycle regularly - I hope all these stuff works out in the end. Meanwhile, I thought I'd start making things a little bit more interesting for my blog. Seeing as the blog looks pretty dead by now, having nothing much other than little snippets of my life added to it every now and then, I thought I'd post up some of the interesting stuff and videos I have encountered in my spare time surfing the Net and doing almost nothing else productive. Yeah, like doing such stuff is even productive in the first place...

For starters, here's a nice little masculine song performed by the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain (UOGB) - Theme from "Shaft"



Cute ukuleles - and I was taken aback, and before I knew it, I was laughing along with the audience at the racy lyrics! Go on, hit the play button - you'll like it. But even more amazing is the next video medley the UOGB did up. It's pretty awesome, check this one out too:



Pretty nice - it's rare to get all these stuff these days... This one is easily one of my favourite medleys. Well, at least for now, until I get to see more better ones. Somehow, some of the junk today's media generates aren't half as good as such stuff. Or am I being pessimistic about today's pop stars or it's just my taste?

Last day in BT

Well, I've been out there working, and being a busy man. Or busy kid, whichever you like.

Or at least I tried. Lately there wasn't that much stuff for us to do in office anymore, and being around there for some time, I've seen people come and go. Different and interesting people as well, and there most definitely are some weird out-of-the-norm stuff happening out there as well - wow, they sure help make our days interesting, and sometimes even funny as well.

Met a lot of people as well - this blog entry wouldn't be here if the my work experience out there at BT wasn't good. All those work-rushing with people like Marcus and Olivia, all the slack times we had with people like Iris, Estee and many others, with them it's much easier to forget the stress that comes with the heavy workload (which isn't very heavy to begin with...).

Where we used to be really busy doing a lot of computer stuff in the beginning, we gradually ended up surfing the Net on Rob's wireless dongle for some well-deserved entertainment to keep our morale up during the tough assignments, and I'd say it was a pretty good work-play balance even within the Spirit room - which was one of the warmest meeting rooms (and coincidentally, our work quarters). People came and went at the same time.

Well I must say, working at BT has taught me a helluva lot of things that books wouldn't teach me - that there are tough days and there are slack days as well. Always clouds with silver linings. Telecommunications systems - I could never figure out what all the stuff means until I had first-hand experience doing some of the things involving them. Telephone numbers? Access to stuff? First hand experience. And best of all - we get paid for doing such stuff - and the time was more productive when spent down there rather than staying at home and doing nothing...

It's been a while since I've left these guys (almost a week, I think), but somehow there's this feeling that wants me to go back there and work again. Probably it's because I feel I've achieved something and am recognised for it. Well, if my going back there can help the company achieve something more positive, then why not? Alas, but there isn't enough time for me right now before National Service, and too long a time to wait till I get a university degree to land myself a proper full-time job down there. Oh well, good things sometimes can be rare and so near, yet so far...

Blogging on state-of-the-art technology pretty cool!

Well, I'm experimenting how to use the iPad to write this blog post. As to how I got this gadget, it's borrowed stuff, courtesy of Uncle Steven, who got it through a lucky draw. Lucky fella he is, being able to get such a cool gadget after the previous two winners for this prize left the lucky draw early before the top prize was announced...

The touchscreen function is really cool here man, just that I'm not used to the typing because of the fact that it doesn't have the feel of an actual keyboard, and you know it's hard to adapt to such marvel technology when we've been using the good old button keyboard for many years already... Talk about being Neanderthals in the 21st Century.

As for work life in office, things have never been better. We've been paid to do work, now we're now paid to do nothing. So, the PSP has never been more welcome in my life now than it ever did in the past!

Also, things have gotten more interesting, with a lot of talk going on in office about gossip and stuff, the way of life in the office and corporate world from the seniors, and I suppose, what the hell would we stay in the office with no work for, if not for the funny tidbits we experience everyday?

Corporate life is always "nice and interesting."

Well, after about three weeks into the corporate lifestyle, I dare say that I'm putting on a lot of weight. Or at least, I appear to be. For one, there's hardly any more exercise, and I'm not practicising enough self-discipline to go for a jog these days since the college days... But that's not really the point, is it? Sooner or later I'll get myself up and running, for there's tough training that awaits ahead after I head into Pulau Tekong on that day, anyway.

So, there's all sorts of things happening around the office, despite the bore of doing the same thing over and over again all the time. Yeah, as Lia put it, "You are born, taken care of by your parents, educated to get a degree, then when you have it you sit in the office all day long just to look at Excel spreadsheets, spreadsheet by spreadsheet, by spreadsheet, by spreadsheet, by spreadsheet..."
Well, I wouldn't agree with that. More often than not, everyday always brings about new situations to handle all the time. It's been rocky since the day I got here in office - the first day, you start out with corrupt data, and when you're told to redo it. The third day the formula was applied wrongly, redo. By the end of the week it was finally ready.

Phase two. Work to create new data templates to input data in. Sounds cool, but the data needed new formatting, again. Redo. Cool, I haven't even got to start with the data. Wonderful. Then after all of those are done, we proceed on to do more data entry. Almost done with 9 out of 11 countries, cell by cell, spreadsheet by spreadsheet, and Lia was told the work needed to be redone because the goddamned source file wasn't the updated one to begin with. Brilliant eggheads. Hmm.

Along the way, some of the other guys working under the same department were coming in every now and then to discuss about the stuff that was going on in our work. "Well, why don't you just automate the changes to the values?" Brilliant, they wouldn't have had to hire us interns to work on the file otherwise. Very smart question.

So you see, everyday at the office, money talks and bullshit walks. Sometimes, though, funny things happen every now and then. You sometimes would be lucky enough to hear stomachs growling in the middle of your work at about 11am, and by 12 everyone rushes out to have their lunch and overcrowd the food and hawker centres all over the vicinity. I guess it's because of the hard work that even small things that happen around us amuse us sometimes.

Jobs and School - the big difference

Well, I've been out there, and believe me, the transition from school to work life is definitely something that caught me off-guard.

The work at Shop n Save was definitely an enriching experience, for the most part. Maybe it's just got to do with perspective after all. For one, I got to work side by side with many people of different backgrounds, different personalities, and the like. And working down there, cleaning the shelves and replacing the items according to planograms is hard work. Brutal, if your body is not used to tough labour.

But along the way I saw many different perspectives as well. For one, one of my colleagues there has been working ever since he was 14, and that's pretty impressive, considering that I began my first job only this year. I don't know how I'd manage both work and study at such a young age - I was still playing a fool back then in secondary school.

Of course, there's so many interesting stuff happening everyday, that despite all that physical fatigue, I still drag my feet to the place voluntarily. Partly because of some screwed-up contract terms that should we stop working, we have to compensate a sum of money for every day we don't turn up for work during the two weeks. Pretty nifty way to make people stay for work, though I'd still have turned up even without this outrageous contract term.

And so, the days passed by, and I was already searching for more office jobs every night when I got back home. What should I do after this job? Sit down and rot at home as usual? No, that'd get my brains rusty. Not that I need them that much anymore since after the A Levels, but there's just got to be a better way to invest that time in than just rotting at home, "enjoying life" as many people would call it. Nope, I went on searching, and many times I second-guess myself, "Do I really have to work?" for every job offer that seemed kinda attractive. But deep down inside, I wanted to work.

And God's providence decreed that I get an opportunity call from Derek. "Eh, you want job?" he asked. I answered that call of opportunity immediately, knowing that this temporary job is exactly what it is - temporary and really short-term. At long last, I have the first office job of my life. Two weeks at the supermarket doing slave labour is more than enough to make me appreciate the comforts of corporate jobs like this one I currently am holding now.

To be honest, in this respect I am really grateful to God. A friendly gesture like this being offered to me in this time of self-discovery definitely calls for something to repay back in gratitude. The trouble is, what do I offer my friend in return for this job? And what do I offer back in gratitude for His blessings upon my life?

But things just weren't about to stay like that. Not this way, anyhow. There was more stuff waiting for me the moment I stepped into BT, where I now work in.

First day I got there, the job seemed really daunting. Data entry by the large volumes, dealing with figures, understanding telecommunications concepts, sure got my adrenaline pumping, and I didn't need coffee that day at all. As the days went by, we did have slack days, and hardworking days. But there was a better part of the week that we didn't place much importance in back in the school days...

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!

The big difference was that while we used to bring homework home on Fridays to slog through the pile of academic information through the weekend, which accomplishes almost did nothing other than to just bring back some certification that can at least allow us to carve out a living for ourselves, the very same concept of slogging through the weekend became obsolete in work life. Let's get real, man. We ain't paid to work on weekends! And this simply means...

...that we are free to be ourselves during weekends! I can't say I really hate studying, but I really hated the idea of working through the weekends. This most certainly made weekends very precious indeed. What better feeling is that, being able to completely enjoy yourself without being tied down to strangling stress that we get in school and work everyday?

Better still, there is always this subtle sense of accomplishment whenever you finish a job well and ahead of schedule, that sometimes in school we never get to enjoy at all, instead worrying about the grades that we get after completing every exam or lecture test paper. When a job is done, it's done, and we move on with the next.

And it pays!

But then, as with what many people say, there's always job stress and pressure to perform better everyday, especially when you're dealing with multi-million dollar contract deals for a particular service! For one, my senior de facto mentor Lia is always around to pass us work and sometimes, her presence alone is "punishment" enough to make myself maintain concentration while working with so much data all at once. But I suppose that's good - at least it improves our efficiency anyway, and it makes us look good too, in terms of the progress we're making in this current project that we're involved in.

I could go on and on more about the little office tidbits that happen around every so often that makes an seemingly monotonous job sitting in front of a computer keying in stuff so much more enjoyable, but that will have to wait. Stay tuned for the next post!

A cruise, a rest, and a job.

The GCE A Levels is over, but let's just say that I've got too much time on my hands right now since the 2nd December.

Shortly after the prom night, a couple of outings and all that, I flew off to Mars via a vessel to the Bermuda Triangle.

...Alright, I'm bullshitting. Actually I just went with my family out on a cruise getting stuck in limbo out at sea while the cruise is sailing towards nowhere for two days before returning back to Singapore. Food was good, no doubt, and there was pretty good entertainment down there, from jugglers to riskful acrobat acts, and freezing swimming pool water to comfortably warm jacuzzi pools, and of course, the average Singaporean's favourite - the Mediterranean buffet. How could we miss such good stuff?

Uh. Maybe that one wasn't the best after all - there was supposedly better food out at the Chinese restaurant and the Bella Vista fine diners'. Anally strict rules on footwear at the diners' caught Uncles Steven and Kelvin and I off guard, and we ended up eating at Blue Lagoon, which served coffee-shop fare for extraorbitant prices for dinner on the second day. Tch.

Chocolate party sent us off on a chocolate wastage spree - I thought I was grabbing for the entire table of 9 when I came back to see another 3 plates filled with chocolate mudpies, cheese cakes and more chocolate stuff. It grew quite nauseating after we were downing about an entire plate of chocolate pastries and still having more where those came from. And finally, I'm hearing new upbeat music on this Christmas voyage party onboard the cruise. Nice!

After the trip, I thought I'd get myself a job, and a few days later I got what I wanted. Though it isn't much, and I'm doing shit work for shit pay, the people are quite nice - a good 3 of them were A Level students as well, waiting for results just like me, and the full-time workers weren't the barbarian cargo shifters we were led to believe from all the culture of academic excellence and being out there in a world of good mommy's pampered boy. Screw those - it's the real friggin' world out there, and I like what's going on out there. Finally, something to cut me loose from the chains of having to be obedient to the elders and all that bullshit and start exercising some good common sense - if I stayed in that state any longer I'd be rotting away sooner or later.

Work life is definitely better than that in the house, anyhow. Except for the fact that I am still doing shit work for shit pay when I could be getting better pay and more employee benefits at the current qualification I have right now. Ah well, at least I've got a place to start somewhere... Keeping positivity a priority for now, let's hope it stays that way for now.

This blog was dead, is alive, and will be more alive from now on.

God, it's been a helluva time since I've been back in this blog. And everything seems so... different. Things have been happening, got myself into some mess every now and then, and for some reason I just seem to crawl outta that heap of junk unscathed. Sometimes.

Well anyways, finally I'm outta the A Level monster that's biting everyone and giving them a big pain in the ass. A brand new lease of life awaits - no more disturbing college mumbo-jumbo, and no more examinations. How good is that? Priceless experience, really.

It's time to give this blog a revamp. It looks old and rusty, people'll think someone threw this blog out there in the rain for several years to rot. Until then, there's so much more things to do, yet just too much time to do them. Yeah, you heard me right. Too much damn time to do some useless but enjoyable stuff that I'd otherwise be unable to enjoy. Finally, I get a taste of true freedom.

Road to A Levels Part IV: The Final Push

Just went to OCReMix website and downloaded the Humans + Gears: Xenogears album. And boy, is it orgasmic to the ears, man. I think that album really made my day - they really should come up with more of such quality music anytime.

Stuff is really hectic since the beginning of Term 4. The results were rather terrible, and it is just pure luck that I managed to scrape through with 71 points. Even then, that is after the heavy moderation that the school has done just to make our lousy grades look more presentable. My friends had worse fates though, most scored between 40 to 50 points after the moderation. A whopping mad massacre, I reckon.

School is gonna get so hectic, I doubt I'll escape the school system for the next 2 months, at least. Until then, it's going to be all that study-till-you-drop rat race. Oh, and help me change "drop" to "drop dead" - it would probably sound better, I guess. The amount of stress is strangling, if you could even call it stress in the first place. This is pure evil.

Youth Olympics Really Made My Day

It's always nice to have a bit of hoo-hah in your town, especially when it's the Youth Olympic Games. It's over for quite some time, yet the craze is still out there. For one, I actually managed to get hold of one of them DBS Visa Prepaid Cards, which could potentially spell the doom of much of the not-enough-money woes whenever I could not produce that much cash on the spot to pay for a Pastamania or Pizza Hut meal. And wait, does RuneScape Membership count towards the potential use of such a card too?

And as I looked at the YOG website online store, almost everything was sold out, except the friggin' postage stamps. I guess email technology has rendered such stuff redundant altogether, huh?

Uhhh... Yeah, whatever. Thanks for the reminder to start hitting the books for the 17th time again, smartass. Cut me some slack, will'ya?

Road to A Levels Part III: End of Prelims - 10 weeks to A Levels!

After the last paper tomorrow, it's the big mad rush all over again. I'm kinda sick of this running after grades, but I know I have to press on. It just doesn't make sense to study for so long and hard to achieve nothing in the end.

But this blog seems to be a little dead, so I thought I'd inject some life into it by creating another 2 pages above, so that anyone who bothers would have a clearer picture of what I say when I refer to certain events in my life. I mean, there's nothing shameful about what's inside, I've come to terms with them.

More new stuff will come soon, so stay tuned. But right now, I've got my Biology to study for.

Of Life and Heroes

I'm disillusioned about the things going on in life today.

Just look at all the mess in today's world. Terrorism, war, nuclear bombs. Economic disparity between the developing countries and the developed ones. Marriages and divorces, all the vices you can name of - greed, jealousy, lust, pride, and all that. Violence in media and its effects are further exemplified by the James Bulger murder case that happened in the last decade. Chernobyl, 23 years ago.

I don't have to spell most of the things out - you can observe those for yourself if you really tried. Whatever happened to society that these stuff are happening in such unprecedented frequency? It's just crazy.

In the past, people would tell me not to be trusting of the people around you, for the very people whom you trust would betray you. In the past, people would tell me to rely on myself and not on others. People would tell me to do the good, help those in need, and not expect anything in return. But as I move on with life, all these values and the teachings taught by the elders and peers just seem to contradict whatever is going on around the world. Are what the values they have been teaching all for naught?

However, as I learned more, I began to realise how beautiful life can be.

Even within this hysterical pandemonia of morality and unconventional ethics problems faced by the 21st Century citizen today, there's still encouraging stories about how against all these odds of human error, there are numerous heroes who stand out against the norm. Heroes, because they do what most people are afraid or are unable to do. Take Bill Gates - he's a hero in his own right. Tell me, who in their right mind would be willing to donate more than a few billion dollars to the poor and needy? Yet what he does is right, crazy as it might sound.

Take the firefighters and liquidators who sacrificed their lives to stop the radiation leakage into the atmosphere in Chernobyl. They weren't heroes just for fighting a war as we know it - if they didn't do what they did we would have all been suffering worse than what we would have been today. Think of all these poor children afflicted with thyroid cancer, and other birth defects resulting from the radiation leakage of Chernobyl.

Take people who have committed heinous crimes and have turned themselves in voluntarily, without the police or other law-keeping organisations on their heels. They're also heroes in their own right. They had the courage to face their own wrongdoings and accept the punishment due to them, so that their conscience would no longer plague them for the rest of their lives.

It's ironic how in the midst of these human dilemmas there needs to be evil shown before the good side of human nature can surface. Yet even then, inspired by these people, I would choose to be a hero someday. Even with all this mess, I will live on. Life is worth living, even if it hurts you. However disillusioned I may get, I'm telling myself, as long as I see hope in people, I will press on. Even if it means giving your life to something of a good cause...

Road to A Levels Part II

It's 3 weeks left to the Prelims. Wow, I didn't even know that time went that fast.

The Mid Year Results weren't that good - and the constant pressure is getting into everyone in college. What happened to all the smiling faces? What happened to all the lame jokes? Gone to study.

Well, it's no wonder. 13 weeks to the A Levels. It just makes me shudder just thinking about it. Seriously. It's all or nothing. This morning's message from the school came in the form of a postcard: "Success demands singleness of purpose." And it's personalised - everyone has their own name and different quote for them in their own postcards given out in the morning.

I guess nothing comes free then - there needs to be sacrifice for success to come your way then...

Road to A Level - Part I

It just doesn't make sense at all. It's been quite a lot of hard work, yet it is still not paying off. And I'm fast losing sleep and confidence that I'll ever hit 90 points at all. Everyday, there's just so much stuff to do, my time is no longer my own. Neither is my own body either.

These days, we keep getting hammered by so much motivational talk from teachers, from the Principal, from even outside speakers that the college has invited to speak with us during CT period. It's starting to make me feel much worse than the message that they're trying to across to us.

Do well in your A Levels! Don't give up! Don't stop! Don't slack! Don't waste anymore time! As if we didn't know this by this time already... The others can waste their time away by making noise during lectures, but the noise certainly didn't come from my class - everyone is so damn uptight about the exams that would ultimately determine which career path we go. Well, that's good news, for one, I guess.

Apparently, some, like me, have started to wake up and start the ball rolling to catch up on what we missed during the past semester, as well as JC1 work. It's tough, it's gruelling, and it certainly is emotionally draining. No more complaining - only frowning faces along the corridor, short tempers and sometimes even silence. Moreover, PE is physically draining - just yesterday we got sent into the gym, and having weak hands, I'm suffering from tricep aches every now and then. So much for all these people cheering when the lightning alarm sounded just before our timed 5km run.

As for all these motivational talk, frankly, I think it's starting to get counterproductive. Imagine the pressure to do well with more than 300 eyes(or pairs of eyes, go figure. It doesn't make a difference anyway.) fixed on your Mid Year, and later, the Prelims, result slip. Too much such motivation probably would get us somewhere, but it's certainly not right now. About high time they used reverse psychology, eh?

I think Mr Anuar's right. We're too pampered by the system.

It's draining on all levels however you look at it. Even with these, I've gotta stay strong for her sake...

I don't want to go 6 feet under. Help!

Okay, so the results have shown some statistics - we certainly aren't doing as well as expected, and it's worrying the teachers. C'mon let's face it - how good would the Mid-Year results get with that little time? And there's even less of it now...

It's hard to maintain concentration in class, especially since the school mood is getting more and more hostile as the A levels start to get nearer and nearer. First, Prelims, and the verdict that if we continue at the current pace, about only 30% would make it to the local universities. It used to be suffocating, now it's grabbing us in the neck.

Quite honestly, I don't quite seem to get any more motivation outta what I'm doing anymore. And there's no time to seek it at all, so to put it simply, I could very well fail the A levels. Unless there's something that can spur me on... Usually I'd be the one that's encouraging people around me, but let's bite the bullet of reality - who actually gives a shit about you when you yourself are down and out?

However, deep down inside, I know I can't get myself to fail myself during this time. But how do I pick myself up psychologically, apart from just working harder like a robot without finding any meaning in what I'm doing?

Yearnings for the Wind, Waves and the Sea

Yeah, that's about the closest thing that's hanging in my mind right now. Friggin' weather.

Isn't it just wonderful, getting hit by another bout of the same flu that just won't go away? And during the examination period, at the worst possible time? About high time Murphy's Law kicked in - never seen such rotten luck of mine in quite a long time already.

I really need a break off all these studying - and the pressure just won't let go! If I study anymore after the Mid Year exams without at least a week of break, I'm gonna crumble anytime soon. Been facing the books for the past few months non-stop - and missing quite a few of the nicest episodes on TV. At least Friday was good for the beginning of as exam weekend - if you could even call it a weekend in the first place.

Looks like it's high time I dragged this sorry ass of mine into Bukit Timah or just lie down at the beach doing nothing and just enjoying the weather... Oh wait, did I just mention the weather? It's bloody hot down here, even the fan's just blowing hot air into my hot insides already. Hmm, how about hot dogs for breakfast then? With this kind of weather you don't even need an oven to bake marshmallows - just throw it on top of the nearest piece of metal and you get black ones.

Maybe I'm just exaggerating, but yeah, that's the heat of the exams and global warming.

Mid Year Exam Fever - chew on nuts!

Okay... so it's the Mid Year Examinations now. Everyone's slogged their guts out, and that includes the studying that everyone's doing in college everyday. Hmm, it's like a literal slave labour camp - everyone slogs it out down here in college. Sometimes I need that little nudge to get myself going.

And I'm starting to question whether actually studying in school is more conducive. Oh well, let the results prove it. If it works, I'm gonna continue my study in school. Heck, I'll might as well just do most of my studying in school instead - been studying at home during the O levels and look at the sheer disparity between those that study at Starbucks or other places and those who study at home. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again.

And Chemistry is so mind-boggling. It's like, the deeper you dwell into it, the worse it gets. In fact, I've just snored my way through earlier today from 3pm to 8pm - a whopping 5 hours of sleep time. I guess you could call it self-indulgence, but these days I haven't been able to sleep well - what's with the stupid goat that appears next to my bedside during these few nights of dreams? Been having this dream occasionally - the first 2 times being close to the previous Common Tests, and another 3 times during this Mid Years. Seriously, I think I'm going bonkers anytime soon from all this studying...

Especially since it's so friggin' critical to what would decide my future career path. Madness. And I keep getting this feeling that I never study enough of my chapters, even though I spend like, hours and days and weeks on the same topic that just never gets into my head. Aaahh. If only the A level questions aren't so unpredictable...

A passion withheld

It's been a long time since my last post. And it's tough, no doubt. I can't even begin to describe how tough things are going.

For one, studying has taken quite a toll on my body - I had to take a MC today to get away from that stress in school. And it's a bad and undesirable way - it accompanies flu-like symptoms, incessant sneezing and many other things that impede you from concentrating on what you're supposed to study. It sucks.

That being said, it's CIP tomorrow, and it's Labour Day. Yeah, literally labour day, and I can't afford to stay sick until tomorrow - there's the entire ensemble there, and probably the last time we get to do things together as an ensemble anymore. Really looking forward to watching Iron Man 2 with those folks, and hopefully I can get away with chewing popcorn without falling even more sick than what I am right now.

Maybe I should focus more on the positive side of things - I've been finding myself grumbling over the little negativities of school life so often, it's starting to becone jarring inside my head. ARGH, and there's where probably that nasty unwarranted flu bug came from.

And I can't keep up with Ionic Equilibria. Nuts - if only we were paid $10 an hour to subject our brain to pKa calculation abuse - it's driving me nuts.

Work aside, it's the fact that we're mostly scoring As for PW. Great - that effort finally paid off. No more burning midnight oil for so long anymore - w00tz! Alright, time to study for Econs...